Untrue Facts About The Double Bass.

[Richard Prowse]

1) Most double basses are green.

[David McKinney]

2) Yes, it's a cello

[Ken Smith]

If you have one, you know how to play it.:eek:

Double Basses are NEVER discussed in the Bull Pit because it is against the written rule.:p

[Richard Prowse]

Ken, you should have put 3) & 4) by your comments.
5) Shiny varnish allows you to play faster.

[Dave Martin]

6. Double bassists enjoy having their instruments called 'doghouse basses'.

7. Double basses make excellent coffee tables.

[Richard Prowse]

6. Double bassists enjoy having their instruments called 'doghouse basses'.
7. Double basses make excellent coffee tables.
Sorry Dave but I'm going to question the validity of No. 7.
I did a gig once and someone rested a can of beer on my bass. One could argue that, for a period, my bass was used as a table. I know it wasn't supporting coffee, but beer can be placed on a coffee table. Can you please think carefully about whether No. 7 should stay? Remember that we're talking untrue facts here.
Thanks.

[Dave Martin]

Sorry Dave but I'm going to question the validity of No. 7.
I did a gig once and someone rested a can of beer on my bass. One could argue that, for a period, my bass was used as a table. I know it wasn't supporting coffee, but beer can be placed on a coffee table. Can you please think carefully about whether No. 7 should stay? Remember that we're talking untrue facts here.
Thanks.
We must distinguish between 'excellent' and workable'. I've put coffee cups on the roof of my car, but my car roof doesn't qualify as 'excellent' because I forgot that it was there and drove away (which cost me not only a cup of coffee, but also a good coffee cup).

[Richard Prowse]

We must distinguish between 'excellent' and workable'. I've put coffee cups on the roof of my car, but my car roof doesn't qualify as 'excellent' because I forgot that it was there and drove away (which cost me not only a cup of coffee, but also a good coffee cup).
Good point Dave, but technically your car was temporarily a coffee table, albeit an inefficient outdoors coffee table. The four wheels could easily be taken for four legs, the roof for the flat of the table. Have people ever gathered around your car to chat in a fairly lighthearted way about everyday occurences, while nibbling carrot cake? Dave, please be honest with your answer.

[David McKinney]

8) Originally developed by sephardic shepherds to call the sheep home at sunset

[Richard Prowse]

8) Originally developed by sephardic shepherds to call the sheep home at sunset
Very good post David. However, will this be point no 7 or 8?
We still need clarification from Dave Martin regarding point no 7.
If the 'coffee table' thing doesn't work out for him, would you be prepared to have your post retitled as no 7?

[David McKinney]

I think 7 is valid: while workable, a double bass makes for a lousy coffee table. Definitely not "excellent".

[Anselm Hauke]

well,this was offered via ebay here last year:
http://www.geba-online.de/auto_image.php4?image=userfiles/f533097aabd06fc46.jpg&x=333&y=400

[Dave Martin]

well,this was offered via ebay here last year:
http://www.geba-online.de/auto_image.php4?image=userfiles/f533097aabd06fc46.jpg&x=333&y=400
Though this might be an excellent coffee table, it's a really crappy double bass - it doesn't appear to be able to play in tune...

[Dave Martin]

Good point Dave, but technically your car was temporarily a coffee table, albeit an inefficient outdoors coffee table. The four wheels could easily be taken for four legs, the roof for the flat of the table. Have people ever gathered around your car to chat in a fairly lighthearted way about everyday occurences, while nibbling carrot cake? Dave, please be honest with your answer.

Carrot cake? No. Banana bread? Yep - this morning's guitarist brought some and we ate it before going into the studio... So while the car (like a double bass) COULD be considered as a coffee table, I respectfully submit that it makes a pretty bad coffee table.

[Richard Prowse]

Okay, okay, I don't want to come across as a softy, but I've decided to let no 7 stand. Anselm's 'glass' box is good, but you'd never get your legs under it - not that you can get your legs under most coffee tables. Well, I suppose you can if you're sitting on the floor. Let's move on.

9) Young double basses hang around in groups at shopping malls.

[Oren Hudson]

Grits and more grits. True or not for your DB? :D

[Richard Prowse]

Grits and more grits. True or not for your DB? :D
Sorry Oren, I think you wanted The Grits Thread.

10) Double basses have two sound posts - hence the name Double 'Soundpost' Bass.

[Dave Martin]

11. Chicks dig guys who play the double bass.
or
11. A double bass is an excellent birth control device.

Take your pick, Richard, based on your own experience. :)

[Richard Prowse]

11. Chicks did guys who play the double bass.
or
11. A double bass is an excellent birth control device.

Take your pick, Richard, based on your own experience. :)
I'm assuming you meant 'chicks dig guys'...
Dave, that's not a simple one to answer/decide between. I guess that I have to be honest and admit that I've not been blessed with incredibly good looks and have never been considered a chick magnet. When I play, women seem to enjoy the way I 'cuddle up' to the bass and that seems to make them feel positively about me.
Therefore, I think I'll go with...
11) Chicks dig guys who play the double bass.
Oh, hang on, that means it's not true!
Okay,
11) A double bass is an excellent birth control device.

[Richard Prowse]

12) A double bass has the same strings as a trumpet.

[Oren Hudson]

Sorry Oren, I think you wanted The Grits Thread.

10) Double basses have two sound posts - hence the name Double 'Soundpost' Bass.

MY BAD! We had grits last night for the first time in a while and they just dominated my thinking. Here some grits, there some grits everywhere grits. DAMN IT -there it goes again. ;)

[David McKinney]

re: #11a, lots of chicks think bassplayers are hot...

maybe not as many as some other instruments perhaps, but plenty

I've dated at least a couple girls who had bassplayer boyfriends in their past, then dated me, then dated (or married) other bassplayers after me...

plus lots of women talk about what a sexy instrument it is...


#11b is a true untrue fact I suppose--unless perhaps it was a tiny tiny bass covered with spermicide....

[David McKinney]

#13--yeah, you're right, I wish I played the flute instead

[Richard Prowse]

#13--yeah, you're right, I wish I played the flute instead
14) Hey, nice flute playing Dave! There's a woman over there who has been staring longingly at you all through the set.

[David McKinney]

14) There's a woman over there who has been staring longingly at you all through the set.

Really? Just one?

[Richard Prowse]

Really? Just one?
One more than usual.

[Jorge Gonzalez]

183) Doublebasses are leading a rebellion against the opressive brass/woodwind coallition. In fact, they have kidnapped their Saxophone Leader and refuse to negotiate.

[Richard Prowse]

183) Doublebasses are leading a rebellion against the opressive brass/woodwind coallition. In fact, they have kidnapped their Saxophone Leader and refuse to negotiate.
Jorge,
The saxophone, among instruments, really is a misfit and not a leader. It is made out of brass (or something similar) and is blown somewhat like a clarinet. It is generally classified as a woodwind instrument, but other woodwind instruments don't like it.
Really the validity, or otherwise, of your statement can only be considered after someone posts no 182.

13) If the double bass were a country, it would be Iceland.

[David McKinney]

14) the double-bass is easily transported in a shirt pocket or toiletry bag...

[Richard Prowse]

14) the double-bass is easily transported in a shirt pocket or toiletry bag...
Yes, David! This is more like it! This is good!

15) Harmonics don't work well on the double bass because it is too big and the harmonics are too deep to hear.

[Jorge Gonzalez]

16) Doublebasses can be used as bathingsuits.

[Richard Prowse]

16) Doublebasses can be used as bathingsuits.
Now, Jorge, you've got the idea!

17) A double bass looks like a telephone.

[Oren Hudson]

Now, Jorge, you've got the idea!

17) A double bass looks like a telephone.

All right Richard, if this is what you want.

18) You can use a double bass for a condom. :D

[Dave Martin]

All right Richard, if this is what you want.

18) You can use a double bass for a condom. :D
Isn't this a re-statement of Number 11?

[Richard Prowse]

Isn't this a re-statement of Number 11?
Excellent moderation skills Dave!
One problam though, Oren is from the south and they won that war you guys had with the north, so he can pull rank. Unless, of course, Nashville is in the south too - can you please verify; Nashville, north or south?

[Dave Martin]

Excellent moderation skills Dave!
One problam though, Oren is from the south and they won that war you guys had with the north, so he can pull rank. Unless, of course, Nashville is in the south too - can you please verify; Nashville, north or south?

Since Nashville is (A) known as "The Athens of the South", and (B) was occupied by Union troops during what we call "The War Of Northern Agression" or "The Late Unpleasantness", I'd think that we're a Southern city. As North Carolinians have always felt inferior to those of us from Tennessee, I don't think Oren CAN rank me (unless he's rank himself, of course - in which case, perhaps he could schedule his annual bath for a few weeks sooner than usual).

I say all of this laughingly - though I live in Tennessee, I'm from Texas. And Texans outrank everyone. :)

[Richard Prowse]

Since Nashville is (A) known as "The Athens of the South", and (B) was occupied by Union troops during what we call "The War Of Northern Agression" or "The Late Unpleasantness", I'd think that we're a Southern city. As North Carolinians have always felt inferior to those of us from Tennessee, I don't think Oren CAN rank me (unless he's rank himself, of course - in which case, perhaps he could schedule his annual bath for a few weeks sooner than usual).

I say all of this laughingly - though I live in Tennessee, I'm from Texas. And Texans outrank everyone. :)
Dave, I read all of this carefully and was about to give you the moot point. Then you mentioned that you're from Texas. They're the trouble makers who tried to pull away and start their own country. Very unAmerican. Sorry, but request to overturn Oren's 18) denied.

[Richard Prowse]

19) Double bass players support Texas leaving the union.

[Dave Martin]

Dave, I read all of this carefully and was about to give you the moot point. Then you mentioned that you're from Texas. They're the trouble makers who tried to pull away and start their own country. Very unAmerican. Sorry, but request to overturn Oren's 18) denied.

All rightee. :( But I'm not one of those who want to secede. :)

[Oren Hudson]

All rightee. :( But I'm not one of those who want to secede. :)

Sorry for the trouble fellas, but when you're from the home of the NCAA College National Champions, some things are worth repeating.

Cousin Dave, I'm surprised at your defeatist attitude. I thought all Martins and their descendants wanted to succeed. Maybe after the rain stops, you'll feel better and see the potential for so many successful things. If Richard or I can help, we're here for ya. ;)

20) The double bass is shorter than the electric bass. :)

[Richard Prowse]

21) Dave Martin wants to secede and take a double bass with him.

[Richard Prowse]

22) Oren Hudson wears a golf shirt every time he does a double bass gig.

[Richard Prowse]

23) Richard Prowse grew up in Texas and bought his first double bass from Davy Crockett, who ran a little bass business when he wasn't busy shooting bears. It had a racoon skin bow quiver.

[Richard Prowse]

24) Anselm has frets on all his double basses.

[Richard Prowse]

24) Anselm has frets on all his double basses.
no richard, there are no frets on any of my basses
anselm

[Richard Prowse]

no richard, there are no frets on any of my basses
anselm
That's the whole point, my friend. There are untrue facts.

[Richard Prowse]

oh, now i see
anselm

[Dave Martin]

21) Dave Martin wants to secede and take a double bass with him.
...but he'd rather have cartage deliver it.

[Richard Prowse]

25) The Maori built some of the first double basses out of Kauri.

[Richard Prowse]

...but he'd rather have cartage deliver it.
Drop the bridge first.

[Richard Prowse]

oh, now i see
anselm
richard, everybody knows that i'm not writing this
how could i, unless i was in new zealand, at your place
anselm

25) a double bass has three valves and is usually gold or silver

[Richard Prowse]

Drop the bridge first.
Dave,
That way it is less likely to get damaged.

[Richard Prowse]

26) A double bass is played with an arrow.

[Jorge Gonzalez]

Doublebasses love cats. They're cat instruments.

[Richard Prowse]

Doublebasses love cats. They're cat instruments.
Good post Jorge, but it should read,
27) Doublebasses love cats. They're cat instruments.

Please be more careful in future.

[Richard Prowse]

28) Most double bass players use their teeth, to pluck the strings, when pizzicato is required.