Need a good 'comeback' for..."How do you get that thing..."

[Dave Longenecker]

We all get the same silly remarks:

1) "How do you get that thing under your chin?"
2) "I betcha now you wished you had taken up the piccolo!"

I have a standard two word comeback that I would like to say, but I would prefer a better witty comeback.

As for me - I can say "I can get this thing under my chin because I'm a Long-necker." which only works if they know that my last name is 'Longenecker', but I would prefer something better.

Sometimes I'm carrying my bass and see someone with a 'wise-ass' look on their face about to say something, so I head them off at the pass by saying something silly like: "Man, I wish I had taken up the piccolo now, because this thing is too hard to get under my chin!" I've seen that comment deflate a few 'wise-guys'.

Anyway, anyone have a few good comebacks they could contribute? We all need them!

Cheeerz!

Dave

[Ken Smith]

Dave, how big is that Bass of yours, 7/8 or 4/4?

Gee, I wish I would have gotten a 3/4...;)

I was walking in Philly with a Bass and a girl passing by said with a smile, "I always wanted to play the Cello"..

I couldn't talk. Maybe that's why she didn't.. Clueless :eek:

How do you get that thing under your chin? "Sure buddy, hold still and I'll put it under yours so you can get a better idea". Spear the wise guys' neck..

Speaking of Big, I am thinking of taking out the 4/4 Panormo school bass out this weekend. No low notes that I have seen in the music as I took the Martini last night to rehearsal and didn't touch the C-extension at all except to tune up.. 'A Night in Old Vienna' theme. Um pa pa Um pa pa..and a few runs here and there.

We gotta get a few guys together and have a 'Duel of the 4/4s'.. No 7/8ths allowed in to watch without a parent..:cool:

[Richard Prowse]

I was walking in Philly with a Bass and a girl passing by said with a smile, "I always wanted to play the Cello"..

Ken, maybe you should give her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she was thinking,
"Hey, there's a guy with a double bass, that reminds me of how much I've always wanted to play the cello. Even if I didn't get very good, it'd be easier to carry around that that guy's bass.

[Richard Prowse]

We all get the same silly remarks:
1) "How do you get that thing under your chin?"
2) "I betcha now you wished you had taken up the piccolo!"

Anyway, anyone have a few good comebacks they could contribute? We all need them!

Cheeerz!
Dave
Dave, I feel you're being a little too sensitive. These people are seeing you and the size of your instrument (bass, I mean) is setting off a reaction in their minds. They're curious about it and feel the need to talk to you - not altogether a bad thing really. I played at a blackboard concert recently. All the other performers were either singer/guitarists or bass guitarists. A friend was in the audience. He told me later that a lady in the audience was fascinated that my cello had no frets. She wondered how you were supposed to play the notes. My friend (not a bass player) explained to her a little about the double bass. These days people are heavily subjected to guitar music - I even know people who refer to 'the three instruments' (guitar, bass guitar and drums). In this sort of situation our instrument has huge novelty value that we can exploit to make our performance stand out.
Dave, every time you carry your bass around, you are a crusader for the double bass. You are to the double bass what missionaries are to religion.
Go forth, brother Dave, and spread the word.

[Dave Martin]

Dave, I feel you're being a little too sensitive. These people are seeing you and the size of your instrument (bass, I mean) is setting off a reaction in their minds.

I'm introduced in one show as "The man with the largest instrument in the band". I generally strike a manly pose much like the Jolly Green Giant but with my bass in one hand - I don't mind going for the laugh....

Seriously, don't be sensitive about it; be proud that you're memorable.

[Joel Larsson]

Every day, I go around feeling grateful that I don't play the drums. As for those piccolo flute remarks, I usually roll my bass around on one of those ingenious trolley/chair contrapments, and—given that I have the time—I can show the guy in question just exactly how un-cumbersome it is to play the bass! Which, of course, isn't the whole truth (between you and me, that big baby can be quite the burden sometimes! ;)) but like Richard says, we are the contrabass crusaders. :cool:

[Richard Prowse]

It'd be worse being a bass guitarist and having everyone think you're playing guitar!

[Joel Larsson]

Oh, but I've heard "Mooommy! Look at that big guitar!" quite a few times. I'd say I get a guitar remark for every two cellos.
I remember once, some kid gave me that guitar remark. His mother told him, "It's not a guitar, it's a cello!" She looked at me, a bit embarrassed. "Please excuse him. He doesn't know better."
"IN YOUR FACE!", I thought, but didn't say it out loud.

[Brent Nussey]

1) "How do you get that thing under your chin?"

Dave

The correct answer to that one is "I keep my mouth shut."

Brent

[Ken Smith]

I just laugh-I think that it's funny every time I am asked that question---a question I find more interesting is "how much does it weigh?"

"how much does it weigh?"

A lot less than you lady!:D:D:D:D:p:p:p

[Dave Whitla]

I used to get the big guitar comment all the time. One time there were three of us walking with our basses to a gig when we passed a guitarist going the other way. One of the guys said, "Hey, that's a pretty small double bass you've got there!" Sadly, the guitarist didn't get it, but we were falling over laughing.

I still have no good reply for Dave though, other than something like, "What do you mean?? ... Huh? ... I don't get it..." Or how about, "Wow, that's a really interesting and funny comment and you're the first person in the whole world to ever say that to me!"

[Jack McFadden]

Dave:
I was schlepping the Baker into the Orillia Opera House one sunny day. Gordie Tapp, who was on the show, was sunning himself, complete with a reflector on his chin, 80 years old. He said, "Sonny, I hope when you get where you are going, that they ask you to play"! I said that I had heard that line before, he attributed it to Joe Niosi, who was responsible for bringing my bass and Ed Tate's old Kennedy from England to Canada.
I believe Joe was boarding a bus at the time, and some ancient woman said this to him.
By the way, I'm a grouch, and I usually ignore people who say stupid things. Original lines, yes, I'll stop and talk.

cheers,

Jack

[Steve Alcott]

A smallish female bassist friend of mine, upon hearing the query, "Why would a little thing like you want to play a big thing like that?" Her reply, "Because it feels so good between my legs".

[Ernie Mee]

Hey Dave, Your dad would be so proud to hear these words!!

I always just reply, "This isn't an instrument. This is my date!" She has a better shape than most but too many strings attached!

[Scott Pope]

Most of the time I just smile at these kinds of comments and go on down the road instead of trying to one-up them, applying the old adage: never argue with an idiot. He will just bring you down to his level and beat you with experience.

[Ken Smith]

Most of the time I just smile at these kinds of comments and go on down the road instead of trying to one-up them, applying the old adage: never argue with an idiot. He will just bring you down to his level and beat you with experience.

+ one Gazillion.. :eek:

[Richard Prowse]

Most of the time I just smile at these kinds of comments and go on down the road instead of trying to one-up them, applying the old adage: never argue with an idiot. He will just bring you down to his level and beat you with experience.
But isn't it a bit like when a helicopter flies overhead and we all look up?
You can't call people idiots for being curious. I played a gig last week, in a part of the woods that competent double bassists seldom visit, and the MC (as he told the audience afterwards) was amazed to see the violinist using pizzicato and me bowing. A lot of people don't spend much time thinking about the double bass. It must be amazing for them to see one being played for the first time.
I teach at a low decile school (school in a poor area) and I always make a point of showing a double bass to my classes. When I first bring one out you can hear the gasps.
Really you should take these little jokes ,that people utter, as a compliment.
As they say, "Any publicity is better than no publicity."

[Scott Pope]

In my experience, you can tell from the non-verbals when a person is truly curious and wants to have a discussion rather than smart one liners (then again, in my "former life," my job was to assess the veracity of witnesses on the stand and see if my argument was being well received by the jury). I am happy to discuss bass at the pleasure of the truly interested, but I simply smile and go on at the one-liners.

[Terry McDougal]

In my experience, you can tell from the non-verbals when a person is truly curious and wants to have a discussion rather than smart one liners (then again, in my "former life," my job was to assess the veracity of witnesses on the stand and see if my argument was being well received by the jury). I am happy to discuss bass at the pleasure of the truly interested, but I simply smile and go on at the one-liners.
A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast.
The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks
"If a dog, running around unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
The lawyer answers,
"Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $18. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." says the butcher
The lawyer, without uttering a word, goes to the ATM across the road and withdraws twenty bucks.
He tells the butcher to keep the change as he pays for the roast - lawyers are very generous.
Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer - $150 due for a consultation.:D

[Scott Pope]

The problem with lawyer jokes is that there are only a couple of them. The rest are true stories.:cool: