ID this Pic..

[Ken Smith]

pic1) Arnold and Ken after a belly stuffing lunch, (always fatten up the prey before the kill!) discuss a possible restoration project.


pic2) Arnold and Ken having one last look at the Top and quality of construction out in the sunlight. If we work up a sweat, we can just jump in the pool and cool off...lol


pic3) SCREW THIS! Cool this hot piece of crap off instead... SPLASHHHHH.. This German factory Plywood Bass was late to its own Funeral so we gave it a Burial at Sea instead.. Bon Voyage....


pic4) Arnold having second thoughts.. "Hey, I could have made a CD case out of that".. As Arnold ponders over his options.. His mind never sleeps...As Ken drives away laughing while Arnold's Dreams have been crushed...

Name each pic. The winner of each caption gets a free repair evaluation by 'Schnitzer, Smith and Wesson'..!http://www.talkbass.com/forum/images/smilies/colors/wink.gif

"Life rafts required for all visits."

[Mark Mazurek]

1st pic

Ken - "I dunno Arnold, this shirt used to feel a little 'looser'."
Arnold - "What are these here.... teeth marks???"

2nd pic

Ken - "I'm still a little hungry... GIVE THAT TO ME!!!"

3rd pic

both - "WOOPS!"

4th pic

Arnold - "You think we could get this water up to boiling temperature?"

[Brian Gencarelli]

1. NO Ken, the neck goes on this end... Gaaahhh!

2. Rock a bye baby, in the tree top...

3. I told you we could throw this one farther with the neck off!

4. I wonder if this is how strad got "the sound"... maybe timeless timbers IS on to something.

[Arnold Schnitzer]

#1 "Ken, this is the appendage that caused your pregnancy."

[Ken Smith]

#1 "Ken, this is the appendage that caused your pregnancy."

(#1) "Doctor Schnitzer, I never saw that 'joint' before in my life!":confused:

(#2) "Let go of her! She's mine"...:eek:

(#3) "I gotta work a little on my back swing":o

(#4) "Geezz, like a magnet, she goes right back to you":(

[Mark Mazurek]

(#4) Don't look now, but is that horse still staring at my butt?

[Chuck Ruby]

Here at United Airlines, we take the possibility of a water landing very seriously. Here are two of our engineers, in these photos, testing out our new floatation device.

[Richard Prowse]

I think it belongs to that idiot from Wainuiomata who writes all those silly posts.
No, I don't think he's inside.
It's back to New Zealand for this baby!
Oops! Will it finish up down under?

[Ken Smith]

No winners as of yet. A few winers, but they don't win anything..:D

Is this the best you jokers can do?

[Richard Prowse]

"Hey, well fed buddy, do you think you can fix this one?" asks Arnold.
"Let's get the top off and have a look," replies Ken.
"Perfect pitch!" the two musical friends joke simultaneously.
Arnie surveys their handy work. "Well, lol, at least the f holes are facing up!" adds Ken with a fair amount of tongue in cheek, so much so that the bulge challenges his tummy. This'll be a day that both men will remember for years to come.

[Richard Prowse]

"Arnie, your new suitcase is cool! It just looks so much like a bass! Pity there isn't some way of adding a neck! I love it! Really do! Is it heavy to carry?"
"Nah, it's fine. It just needs a handle."
"Let's see if it's waterproof." "Nooooo Ken, don't!"
"Bugger you Ken, my wallet's in there!"

[Richard Prowse]

"But Arnie, you said that you loved me. So, we have lunch together... a few wines and I'm starting to feel relaxed. Then you drop this bombshell! What? I don't really understand. You want a 'menage a trio' involving half a bass? Sorry Arnie but this is getting very kinky!"
"Okay, okay, so we hold it like this. What happens next?"
"No Arnie, I'm not going in the pool! Not with you and this half bass! Arnie! You're not serious!"
"Come on Ken, don't be a spoil sport! Just give it a few minutes, it'll be fun!"

[Richard Prowse]

4. "Ah, isn't it beautiful! Like the lady in the lake! I wish we could save it, take it home..." says Arnie.
"Maybe a Souix rain dance performed backwards would do the trick?" chirps in Ken from out of shot.
3. "Hey! I think it's working! Look! It's floating!" says Arnie.
2. "Got you, you little beauty,what a find!" both men mutter with delight.
1. "Quick! Maybe if we both point at it, and both of us promise to never shave again, a genie will appear!" says Ken hopefully.

[Richard Prowse]

1. Arnie: "This is a gift from God."
2: Ken: "We should baptise it, as is the way with plywood basses that break the 'I must have a neck' rule."
3. Ken: "Hey! Is it ascending to plywood Heaven?"
4. Arnie: "Look! It's stopped for a drink... I'm glad I didn't pee in the pool earlier!"

[Richard Prowse]

1. "Where does your 'bonnie' lie Arnie?"
2. "My 'bonnie' lies over the sea. What about yours Ken?"
3. "Let's throw yours in and see..."
4. "Oh, bring back my 'bonnie' to me!"

[Richard Prowse]

1. "Arnie, do I look like a bass when I stand side on?"
2. "Well, sort of."
3. "Oops, did we drop it?'
4. "I'm looking, Ken, but it's only wet on the bottom... unlike those symphony bass player friends of yours!"

[Richard Prowse]

1. "Arnie, I'm trying to force out a C#."
2. "Let's see if this baby actually has one."
3. "Arnie! I heard a perfect fourth just before we let go!"
4. "Nah Ken, that's Handel's Water Music... the bass line is always a bit wet!"

[Richard Prowse]

1. "Quick, get rid of this!"
2. "Yes, before someone notices the white chair!"
3. "Quick! Someone's taking a photo!"
4. "I think we just saved the dignity of that cute little piece of white furniture!"

[Dwight McCartney]

#1 You gonna talk, or am I gonna hafta get rough?
#2 I baptize thee in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
#3 I just love doing the Hula with you.
#4 Like a briiiidge over troubled waters.....

[Dwight McCartney]

#3 Ken Smith finally answers the Gibson Flying V.

[Ken Smith]

#3 - 'Up, Up and away' .. that old R&B song also used in an Airline commercial in the 70s/80s.

#4 - 'Police suspect the body was dumped further up river'. 'Loose lips sink ships'!

#1 - 'Arnold, it's not polite to point'.

#2 - 'It takes two to Tango' (I didn't hear any music, did you?)

Ok, ok.. I stoled 4.. I just can't stay silent and let 'Little Richard' get all the attention here..:(

[Richard Prowse]

Ok, ok.. I stoled 4.. I just can't stay silent and let 'Little Richard' get all the attention here..:(
Size? Like plywood I am very compressed...
"I get that shrinking feeling, whenever Ken is near."

[Richard Prowse]

Size? Like plywood I am very compressed...
"I get that shrinking feeling, whenever Ken is near."
Hey, me, deep reply... even if I say so myself!

[Adam Booker]

1: Welcome to Royal Cruise Lines! We hope your appointment as a bassist is a successful one! We do have a few rules in the (unlikely) event we strike an iceberg. Here are Arnold and Ken to demonstrate!

2: Rather than standing around like an idiot playing Beethoven while the ship is sinking, think of your instrument as a flotation device! Note: If the second violinist is attractive, get her help in priming the instrument on it's conversion!

3. Gently remove the neck as you can use it to club passengers (and band mates!) who may want to use the bass itself to save their own lives. While you're at it, remember that a violin or viola can make an excellent paddle! Now gently toss the bass into the warm waters of the North Atlantic!

4. Gaze in wonder as your fine crafted instrument has become your personal life raft! But don't worry. Such things never will happen. Enjoy your time on the H.M.S. Titanic!

[Eric Swanson]

#1) Arnold, "Ken, you have always told me that there is money in basses.

You gave me this instrument and I have spent hours taking it apart. I haven't found a cent!"


#2) Ken: "So give it back! It may be an unattributed Calzolaio."

Arnold: "No, it's mine, now!"

A tussle ensues...


#3) In the melee, the carcass slips...

Arnold and Ken (unison), "Oops."

Ken, "Now you've done it. Nobody's going to make any money on this one."
(exits)


#4) Arnold (sighing), "Ah... the council of friends.

How can I recoup my labor costs? Hmm... 2 shop hours for disassembly, 1/4 hour of fighting with Ken, 1/2 hour of travel time..."