Ok, I'm new so I'll give it a shot.
1: Welcome to Royal Cruise Lines! We hope your appointment as a bassist is a successful one! We do have a few rules in the (unlikely) event we strike an iceberg. Here are Arnold and Ken to demonstrate!
2: Rather than standing around like an idiot playing Beethoven while the ship is sinking, think of your instrument as a flotation device! Note: If the second violinist is attractive, get her help in priming the instrument on it's conversion!
3. Gently remove the neck as you can use it to club passengers (and band mates!) who may want to use the bass itself to save their own lives. While you're at it, remember that a violin or viola can make an excellent paddle! Now gently toss the bass into the warm waters of the North Atlantic!
4. Gaze in wonder as your fine crafted instrument has become your personal life raft! But don't worry. Such things never will happen. Enjoy your time on the H.M.S. Titanic!
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