Need a good 'comeback' for..."How do you get that thing..."

[Steve Alcott]

A smallish female bassist friend of mine, upon hearing the query, "Why would a little thing like you want to play a big thing like that?" Her reply, "Because it feels so good between my legs".

[Ernie Mee]

Hey Dave, Your dad would be so proud to hear these words!!

I always just reply, "This isn't an instrument. This is my date!" She has a better shape than most but too many strings attached!

[Scott Pope]

Most of the time I just smile at these kinds of comments and go on down the road instead of trying to one-up them, applying the old adage: never argue with an idiot. He will just bring you down to his level and beat you with experience.

[Ken Smith]

Originally Posted by Scott Pope

Most of the time I just smile at these kinds of comments and go on down the road instead of trying to one-up them, applying the old adage: never argue with an idiot. He will just bring you down to his level and beat you with experience.

+ one Gazillion..

[Richard Prowse]

Originally Posted by Scott Pope

Most of the time I just smile at these kinds of comments and go on down the road instead of trying to one-up them, applying the old adage: never argue with an idiot. He will just bring you down to his level and beat you with experience.

But isn't it a bit like when a helicopter flies overhead and we all look up?
You can't call people idiots for being curious. I played a gig last week, in a part of the woods that competent double bassists seldom visit, and the MC (as he told the audience afterwards) was amazed to see the violinist using pizzicato and me bowing. A lot of people don't spend much time thinking about the double bass. It must be amazing for them to see one being played for the first time.
I teach at a low decile school (school in a poor area) and I always make a point of showing a double bass to my classes. When I first bring one out you can hear the gasps.
Really you should take these little jokes ,that people utter, as a compliment.
As they say, "Any publicity is better than no publicity."

[Scott Pope]

In my experience, you can tell from the non-verbals when a person is truly curious and wants to have a discussion rather than smart one liners (then again, in my "former life," my job was to assess the veracity of witnesses on the stand and see if my argument was being well received by the jury). I am happy to discuss bass at the pleasure of the truly interested, but I simply smile and go on at the one-liners.

[Terry McDougal]

Originally Posted by Scott Pope

In my experience, you can tell from the non-verbals when a person is truly curious and wants to have a discussion rather than smart one liners (then again, in my "former life," my job was to assess the veracity of witnesses on the stand and see if my argument was being well received by the jury). I am happy to discuss bass at the pleasure of the truly interested, but I simply smile and go on at the one-liners.

A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast.
The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks
"If a dog, running around unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
The lawyer answers,
"Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $18. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." says the butcher
The lawyer, without uttering a word, goes to the ATM across the road and withdraws twenty bucks.
He tells the butcher to keep the change as he pays for the roast - lawyers are very generous.
Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer - $150 due for a consultation.

[Scott Pope]

The problem with lawyer jokes is that there are only a couple of them. The rest are true stories.