Up There (Near Canada).

[Richard Prowse]

Up here (Canada)
It's cold and I don't feel like playing my bass because my fingers don't want to move properly. I'll buy some fingerless gloves tomorrow.
I saw a polar bear today just outside Totonto. Toronto is a nice city, but very cold. There are a lot of Eskimos living in Toronto. Back in New Zealand we used to have a chocolate covered ice cream called an Eskimo Pie. They were simple but nice. I thank the Eskimo people for bringing me this little pleasure. I find it hard to imagine Eskimos eating much ice cream. I don't know why really. Maybe they do. I think they probably eat more fish. It must be hard cooking fish in the snow. I think that this is why a lot of Eskimos are now moving to Toronto. Even though I find Toronto cold, it probably seems warmer to them. I'm getting to really like the Eskimo people. I might speak to one soon. I assume that they speak Eskimo. I'll go to a bookshop and find a book that teaches you Eskimo.
Eskimo for beginners.
I know this much:

"Ooga" means "Good day"
and
"Eega" means "Good night".
They probably have a lot of names for fish. I don't mean for the different species. I mean for fish in general. They probably have quite a few ways of saying,
"Jesus, it's cold!"
Ah, yes, Eskimos are interesting people. I wonder if they have their own folk songs? Do they have their own instruments? They'd be instruments that are easy to play when your hands are cold.

[Richard Prowse]

Jamaica
Various deserts around the world
Kartoum
The Transvaal
Egypt
Afghanistan (not the biscuits)
Brazil
The South Pole (on a really freekish day when the sun is shining on the snow)
Unknown and yet undiscovered places in space


not Canada

[Ken Smith]

Originally Posted by Richard Prowse

Jamaica
Various deserts around the world
Kartoum
The Transvaal
Egypt
Afghanistan (not the biscuits)
Brazil
The South Pole (on a really freekish day when the sun is shining on the snow)
Unknown and yet undiscovered places in space


not Canada

The Kitchen!

[Richard Prowse]

Originally Posted by Ken Smith

The Kitchen!

Sorry to contradict you Ken, but they have very cold kitchens in Canada.

[Richard Prowse]

I've been thinking about this for quite a while now. In reality the border between these two countries is just a line drawn on a map. There would be lots of advantages if this merger were to take place. Here are some:

• Former USA citizens could get cheaper snow ploughs because former Canada made heaps of these.
• Former USA citizens could visit places like Toronto and Waterloo without needing to cross a border.
• Former Canadian citizens could establish line dancing clubs.
• The new flag could be like the old Canadian one, which is easier for children to draw, except the leaf bit would have to be simplified.
• Former Canadian citizens would now live in a country with better basketball teams and wouldn't need to watch that silly ice hockey game.
• The new combined country could have a new fancier name like 'Sparkle' or 'Razzle Dazzle' or 'Yes!".
• The capital of the new country could be Waterloo, where it is cooler and politicians wouldn't get so worked up because it would be too cold.
• There would be a bigger coastline for the coastguard to patrol, resulting in more jobs.
• In former USA the North would become part of the South, so old Civil War divisions could finally be put to rest.
• Illegal immigrants from Mexico would have far longer to walk to get to the north of the new country; they would see this as being too far and would be more inclined to stay at home.
• There would be more states to compete with each other on the sporting field.
• Now that cowboy and indian films are not as popular as they used to be, there would be a new genre available: Cowboys and Eskimos.

[Richard Prowse]

I must admit that I'm back in New Zealand but;
I was about to take a shower and (would you believe it?) there was a spider on the shower nozzle standing right in front of where the water comes out when the shower is turned on!
In my opinion (IMO - Ken's Corner speak) this spider, on this particular day, made a very bad decision that would have a severe impact on the rest of his life.
Are spiders in Canada this silly? I suppose they would wear protective clothing to keep out the cold, so they would appear bigger.
What happens to a spider after it disappears down the plug hole? Maybe there are 'special forces' spiders down there who rescue them. I hope so.
Good luck, silly spider.

[Richard Prowse]

• I can't imagine flies in Canada (yes, I do know about snow flies).
• If polar bears migrated south, would they be able to change colour?
• Is there such a thing as the Arctic Symphony Orchestra?
• Would Canadians still enjoy ice hockey if their country had a warm climate?
• What part did Canada play in the American Civil War? Did they even give a ****?
• Was Nanook of the North a Canadian citizen and why did he really need the 'of the North' title if he was an Eskimo?
• Do Canadians keep pets like cats and dogs, or do they just have otters?
• The old phrase 'a mounty always gets his man' doesn't work so well in our modern society.
• Does Canada have its own culture or are they just cold Americans?