Its a really good paper, well researched and entertaining to read. I learned some good stuff too! I can't find much "wrong" in there.
What is "ehm"? (last page)
My main comment as to "wierdness" is the change of style from conversational to more formal and back again. Although the conversational style is sometimes easier to read, i think you'll get better marks for this sort of thing if your style is consistent and appropriate to the purpose.
If I were you, I'd try not to use "isn't" and "hasn't" and "can't" and "wouldn't" - these are OK in conversation or in email or in a play but not usually in a research paper.
eg: "At first glance, you wouldn’t say the double bass had much to do with the development of the orchestra as we know it. When we take a closer look, however, it isn’t just that someone couldn’t be bothered with these basses and decided to leave them somewhere at the back"
Might be better without the "you" and "we", like:
"At first glance, the double bass may not appear to have had much to do with the development of the orchestra as we know it. A closer look, however, shows that the instrument has had a far greater influence ... "
also watch small sentences like "Or the basses. Easy choice." Not really IMO right for a research paper.
Also the very last paragraph like the introduction is again a very different - and much more casual - style to most of the article. I realise this is your personal conclusion and I think this is how it should be, so its fine to say "I expect", "I suppose" etc, but I would still try to make it a little more formal and definitely NOT use a sentence like "But one can’t say the double bass didn’t have any influence on the history of music, can one?" as the last thing we will remember!! that bit sounds like it's been written by the Queen of England!!!
I hope this is the sort of feedback you were after?
Well done and good luck with your second draft.
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